You might be a Civil Engineer if...

Necking is something that happens to steel.
You spent more on your calculator than on your wedding ring.
You can handle stress and strain, but not in a relationship.
You calculate that Pocahontas’ waterfall is higher than the Sears Tower.
You know the world revolves around you because you picked the coordinate system.
The closest you come to an art class is drawing free body diagrams.
You know vector calculus but can't remember how to do long division.
The last time you used a Kitchen Aid was to mix concrete.
You consider a dead body a live load.
You’ve ever stopped to admire the trusses in a Wal-Mart.
The only foreign language you speak is math.
You use a CAD package to design a pinewood derby car.
You know the difference between cement and concrete and insist on telling everyone.
You can’t carry on a conversation without paper and a pencil.
You’ve drowned a Barbie in the hydraulics flume.
You assume a “horse” is a “sphere” to make the math easier.
You understand more than five of these jokes.